Listening to: Sound Horizon - Ark
!!WARNING: A QUITE LONG REVIEW ABOUT MY LIFE FOR 8/9 MONTHS AND (MOSTLY) MAYBE BORING, AND BEING DRAMA QUEEN MUCH!! (You've been warned, kay?)
Hell, i feel like a super coward; being here for the first time since... 8 or 9 months, maybe? I know, that this kind of hiatus-then-come-back-without-word life is wrong, sinful and forbidden for artists, but I can't just help it. I can got bored over things easily.
Idk, i just feel that time, my drawing life is super pathetic. It feels that the skill I have inside me and that drawing skill I 'forged' for, like, around 6 years just vanished. Poof. As simple as that.
Maybe, just maybe, that you , I am STILL browsing through DA here, even though I do it seldomly, because actually when I do it (browsing), I feel that my heart is being shattered, by looking at the bright, vibrant pics and such here. That is enough to make me want to bang my head and cry.
Plus, actually I am still drawing. Yes, I do. I do that... On my study books, blank unused papers and such, but never on drawing paper, unless it is for studying projects. Actually it really is my school's study projects/ exams/ such things that have a big impact on my drawing process. Actually I'm having a hectic life, dealing with tasks, and a lot of other problems. I feel weakened day by day, month by month, that the drawing skill in my hand found their way to vanish. ._.
Well, but suddenly, around the middle of February, I got a little spark in my hands to draw something again, even if it is just a crappy simple doodle/ chibi or such. Actually, my interest for Naruto rised again after 3 years not hearing anything from the fandom itself (especially Akatsuki.. GODDAMMIT ITACHI Y U STILL LOOKS SO MESMERIZING EVEN WITH YER WRINKLES?! ;________; )
And myself, feel like somehow delighted again because that I find a little piece of my so-called 'previous life'
Somehow, I also feel energized because of one of my friend's tweet, if i remember it well, it should be like this:
"Are you so weak, that you can't get up by yourself? Or actually you are a dumb?"
That quote really stabs me. Right into the heart. Well, (maybe) she doesn't mean that quote to me, but imo, that quote is reflecting myself; being so weak and miserable that I can't even try to struggle to find the way to shine with my drawing skills. And the problem is, actually in my mind the skill that maybe I really have is only in drawings, arts, that aspect only. Maybe I don't have a future over the other aspects. Maybe it is just the paranoid side of me. Or maybe that will be the inevitable truth of my future.
Ah. There. My mind got blank right now. Maybe this is the end of the summary of the problems in my mind for months. I feel quite relieved that I can let it flow somewhere, and maybe you wouldn't give a damn about this... crap. Yeah, maybe that is the real definition of this long journal.
P.S: Once again, sorry for being such a drama queen or such.